SUCCESS

Driving recently, I found myself in one of those deep meditative states that you can slip into when traveling a familiar road.  You know the kind:  You're driving the same route to work or school or  whatever, when suddenly you find yourself two blocks from your end goal and have only a vague recollection of actually driving there. Anyway, while doing my unintentional driving meditation the other week, I slipped into my subconscious and met an AH-HA moment head on:

I feel so f***ing unsuccessful right now.

The realization, oddly enough, felt awesome.  Like I'd just sent the last email of the day, or nailed the final question on Jeopardy (is that show still on? embarrassing).  But you get my drift.   I figured out something that felt really big:  There was too much going on for me to feel successful at any one thing.  How delightfully simple.  Now, what can I scale back on to start really kicking ass at something again?

Cue the sad face.

It won't be maternity, as my little one definitely needs me now as much as ever.  Marriage is also staying put.  Then there's the issue of my job-  last time I checked, salary and insurance were still pretty much essential.   Exercise?  Already let that one go.   Writing?  But then who would I vent to as friend dates are already at a bare minimum?

So how do you feel successful as a working mother in your mid-thirties?  Actually, how do you feel successful at all at this age?  My friends who are married with kids or on the verge often seem to feel swallowed by the complex web of relationships they juggle, many of which revolve around a deep need for said friend's time and attention.  My single friends who are still living the life and pursuing jobs they love often feel judged by outside sources because of their relationship status or choices around child bearing.  So what's a girl supposed to do?

HAPPY OCTOBER

It's finally fall in Texas and enjoying the cooler temperatures has really encouraged me to let my hair down.  And by down, I mean off.  The true essence of freedom is walking into the salon of someone you trust and having them grab their scissors to relieve you of your nine inch ponytail.  This is pretty much the way it went down last week when I walked into Mirror Mirror and the capable hands of Martha Lynn Kale, salon owner and longtime friend.  It felt freaking amazing.  For your viewing pleasure, I decided to take a snap shot of the leftovers:

The joy in this experience was the rare freedom that comes in knowing exactly what you want, and the luck of having good friends and allies to help facilitate that decision, evolution, or change.   As the world's worst salon client (since my last hair cut, Martha Lynn created, gestated, and birthed a baby and is already back at work), I know I'm lucky to have someone like her in town. She is excellent at what she does, but definitely gets that beauty is more than skin deep.  What a great reminder that taking care of yourself, even when all of your resources feel taxed, is still an efficient use of time:  The energy and pleasure I've gotten from those two hours has been endless.

What is inspiring you this month?  Here's the short list from my end:

These shoes. Joanna Goddard swears they can make anyone look French.

This movie.  The tagline: Get Pitch Slapped.  Does it get any better?

These clothes.  A girl can dream

And this book .  Maybe a bit too woo woo for some, but hey, it's where I'm at right now.

Hope you have a wonderful and inspired October.  Minus yesterday, it's shaping up to be most excellent on my end.  Ever the optimist, instead of being 1 for 2, I'm counting that as one-half of a great month so far.